Friday, September 17, 2010

Jumpstart Week Day 5

Today is the last day of Jumpstart week!!  I have been blogging along with the SITS gals.


They posted a neat idea last Friday (09/10), and you can read about it hereAnyhow, so here is this week's last bloggy idea:   

Friday, September 17
As your last assignment to jump start your return to blogging, write about what blogging means to you. Why do you blog? 
What purpose does it serve you and how have you benefited from sharing a piece of yourself online this way?

I blog because I refuse to keep silent about the death of my children.  I believe that women have gone for far too long thinking that talking about death is a taboo.  I think for far too long we have overlooked grieving families, and asked them to 'move on, or move aside.'  I have been guilty of this myself, and that is perhaps why I feel so passionately about it now.  I firmly believe that if I don't write about death, and baby loss, and grief, and all the millions of emotions that come when a baby dies - maybe no one will write.  What if I am the only one who writes about it.  I mean, clearly I'm not, but what if we all had the mindset that said, "I don't need to do it...someone else will." ??  Well, clearly, nothing would ever be written, or invented, or done.  

I also blog as a means of coping with my grief.  I am a mother of two precious boys, Rowan and Levi. 

My children did not get to stay with me and their daddy, as they reside with Jesus.  I miss them so much.  I think of my boys every moment, of everyday.  I miss them in a way that cannot be put into words.  Think of someone you miss, and then multiply that feeling by infinity....then you will have one-tenth of the idea of what it feels like to bury your children.  I was pregnant twice in the last year.  I gave birth twice in a 10 month period.  I chose a funeral home twice in the last 11 months, and picked out grave markers twice too.  I held a tiny box with my son inside, twice, in the last year.  I cried a million, billion, tears - every night for months and months.  

I write because women need to know that (1) they are not alone, (2) there is a hope for momma's of angels, (3) no matter what you feel or think - you are not crazy and (4) there are women who have walked this path numerous times, for a long-long time - let them reach out to you.




4 comments:

Amanda said...

I had to go to a funeral home and make plans for our daughter. Mya only made it halfway through and I cannot even begin to explain the ache in my heart I have everyday. Thank you for sharing about your precious boys.

Nicole said...

You blog is amazing! You won an award from me. Check out my blog when you get a chance!

Karen Peterson said...

I can't even begin to imagine how terrible it would be to lose a child. Let alone two. The fact that you have the strength to tell your story for others shows that you are one special lady.

Everyday Mama said...

:'(