Tuesday, August 10, 2010

5 questions

I found the most amazing blog a few weeks back, and I've been waiting to write about it until it was my day to answer "5 questions." Please go and check it out. I have e-met some amazing women!! I love reading their stories and knowing they are so far away, and yet I know little things about them! And, then sign up to answer your 5 questions!!

Okay, here is the link to my 5 questions on Keenan's site, and then I'm also going to try and post them here with her comments. Have fun.


this is amanda.

and she has a story, and for me it hits close to home. i like amanda.

My name is Amanda. I'm going to be 30 this November. I am married to Matt and we live in sunny Florida. We have been married a little over 3 years, and we met on eHarmony!! We have a sweet little pup named Falcor, who doesn't ever get enough attention. We also have two sons, Rowan & Levi, but they live in Heaven with Jesus. We are learning how to live here, and be complete, without them.

what is your favorite thing about yourself?

I love my laugh. It is too loud, and very much ‘from my gut.’ Anyone who reads this, and knows me, will know that is true. In high school I was nicknamed (among other things) ‘laughs like a man.’ I think because it sort of had my name in it, but mostly because I have this big, ridiculous laugh. I also tend to snort when something is really funny. Reading this back…it just seems kind of sad. :0)

what has been your biggest heartbreak?

I have lost two children in the past 11 months, so I have two biggest heartbreaks. My son Rowan passed into Jesus' care on August 17, 2009. I was 13 weeks and 2 days pregnant. At the time I thought it was the saddest day of my life, and I was sure it would never get better. Then, in March of 2010, I found out I was pregnant again. This time would be different, this time we had proper care... However, I have an incompetent cervix, and on June 15, 2010, I was to have a cerclage to help keep the baby where he should be until closer to my due date. But instead, at 17 weeks pregnant, my water broke. I was on bed rest for two weeks and Levi Matthew was born on June 28, 2010, at 19 weeks. He passed away on June 29th. This was the saddest day of my life thus far. Levi reached out and grabbed my hand, took in a few tiny gulps of air and then left me for Heaven. Heartbreaking doesn't even begin to describe it.

what is the one thing you wish everyone knew about you?

I wish that everyone knew that my children were in Heaven. It would make meeting new people easier, there wouldn't be that awkward silence when they ask if we have kids... It's so terrible having to ruin someone's day because they ask me about our kids, or the necklace I wear with their names on it. I am not in the business of making others comfortable, and pretending that I'm 'doing okay.' Most days I don't even know what that feels like, but I am also not in the business of ruining days, or making women cry because they feel so sorry for me. So yeah, what I wish is that everyone just knew my story.

what would you change about yourself?

I had to think really hard about this...I really like myself. Of course there are physical things that I sometimes wish were different, but really for me I think I'd like to change my worrying habits. I can turn the tiniest bit of nothing into a mountain. I read a quote the other day that said something like, 'making molehills out of mountains.' I'd like to be more like that... I guess it is deeper than worrying, and really my faith that needs the attention. I believe in Jesus, and all that He says, but after the deaths of my babies it has been hard to reign in my worries and keep myself grounded.

what is your guilty pleasure?

I had to think about this for some time. I think I have a lot of guilty pleasures. But, I think the top spot would go to thrifting. I mean, digging around in dirty/dusty antique malls, thrift shops, garage sales. I love to get a really good deal on something amazing. I love the thrill of the hunt for a great antique piece of furniture or china set. Our house is nearly 100 years old, and I grew up in a house just as old. I truly admire and adore antique/vintage items, and I just love to get them for a great price. My girlfriends and I compete with each other when it comes to getting a deal, and at Christmas we love to brag about who got the most items for the least amount. I think it's why my husband never says anything about me spending too much when I shop...because I don't. :0)

amanda... my favorite thing about you? that you love yourself. that is, in my opinion, your greatest gift. keep calm and carry on.

amanda is amazing and so is her blog.

1 comment:

Lucky to be the mom said...

I don't usually comment on blogs of people who don't know me...but on yours I must.
I also buried a precious angel. She would be 15 now...my heart still aches at times with an intenseness that only someone who has buried their child knows.
2 1/2 years later, her little sister stopped breathing - I thought I would perish! The panic, the pain, panic and and fear beyond description! She's 13 now. She started breathing when my NICU next door neighbor laid her on the cold floor to do CPR. She was on a monitor for 8 months. The day the monitor went back will forever be clear in my mind - I had to put my trust in God and realize I am not ultimately in control. I tell her often what a miracle she is, how grateful I am for every day with her.
Kennan - your five questions host - what a precious 18-month-old I was a nanny for :) she is great!
Thank you for sharing your story.