Friday, September 10, 2010

30-day blog journal - Day 29

I am excited that this is day 29.  I've blogged for 28 days straight and today will be #29.    I wish there had been more posts about inside things.   You know, the ones in your heart.  But, I have enjoyed this 'experiment'.

So, onward,  Day 29 - hopes,dreams and plans for the next 365 days

This is a big loaded question for me.  I used to be a planner.  I mean, down to the hour, the minute sometimes.  I planned to be a famous singer, and then I planned to be a busy career woman, and then I planned to be married young with a large house full of children.

I am not a famous singer, but I do passionately sing for Jesus whenever I'm given the chance.

I was a busy career woman, and I made some great friends - but I'm not sure that is what I was crafted for...

I did not marry young, well, not young in my mind.  I was 26 when I got hitched!  Having said congrats to most of my girlfriends a year or two earlier.

And I do not have a large house full of children.  I have instead, a large heart filled with two angel boys who didn't get to stay here.

A hope for the next year -- I hope that I know who I am and what I am "about."  I hope that my husband and I can be closer in a year than we are today, and that in a year we will be more trusting of each other.  I hope that in a year I'll be so wrapped up in Jesus that I won't recognize the old me anymore.

A dream for the next year --  I dream of children.  I sometimes hesitate to say it, write it, whatever...  I don't want to seem so consumed by the want for children.  But the fact is, I am.  Being a mother - that is what I am here for, and I know it deep (way down) in my soul.  Every part of me aches for the babies I will never again hold on this earth, and every part of me cries out for more.  I dream of my children, the ones we don't yet know and the ones who just might not look like us at all.

A plan for the next year -- I don't make plans anymore.

1 comment:

Lynda said...

The last line tugged at my heart. I too used to be just like you, planning everything down to the minute. But now I realize that there are some things that you just can't plan.