Monday, September 13, 2010

Jumpstart Week

This week I'm going to be blogging along with the SITS gals.

They posted a neat idea last Friday, and you can read about it here.  They are also going to be giving someone a really rad washer/dryer combo thingy, so maybe you want to blog along too.  (just read all the rules)

Anyhow, so here is today's bloggy idea:  

Monday, September 13
Re-upload the first post you ever wrote on your blog.

Re-reading this post brought me to tears.  I find that I haven't moved much farther along the path.  This was written before we lost our babies, well before we were even pregnant with our first (about 8 months before our first pregnancy and 10 months before our first loss).  All I can say after re-reading is:  amen

October 5, 2008

Psalms 37:25 "I have been young, and now am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread." (NKJV)

Matt and I attended a church in Flomaton, AL, this morning. He had a concert there, and I tagged along. I'm so glad that I did....isn't it encouraging to see the way God gets a message straight to our hearts (even if we aren't in our 'home' church).

Anyhow, the psalmist (and I think it was David) is thinking back on being young, and knowing he is more advanced in age...he is saying that through ALL the stuff he's lived through NEVER ONCE has he seen a 'righteous' person 'let down' by God. So, I've been really disappointed in God before, only to realize I'm disappointed in the circumstance I'm in the midst of rather than God, or I'm disappointed in the people I was counting on...rather than God. So, I'm not 'that' old, but I am almost 28 (which is, let's face it) almost 30!! Anyhow, I cannot think of one time in my 12 years as a Christian that I have been 'let down' or 'forsaken' by God.

So, as of late I have really been struggling with the fact that Matt & I don't have babies, and that for some reason I don't seem to be getting pregnant....and it's not for lack of practice :-)... I have been so wrapped up in thinking God doesn't think we are ready, and God doesn't want us to have kids, and I'm doing this wrong, or Matt's doing that wrong...and really taking on a victim mentality (ugh, totally not like me). And then today happened...and this verse was shown to me in a new light.

...I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread...

I know in my soul that Christ has called me to raise up a handful of kingdom heirs...and I know in my soul that they will be born of my womb....and I know in my soul that my God does not disappoint...and I know in my soul that all the good in my life has been well worth the wait...and I know in my soul that I am sad to be so late in getting started having babies, and I am sad that I want something so badly that I've made myself crazy, and my husband a little crazier... But, I know in my soul that I will not be forsaken. I know He loves me, and dotes on me, and longs to give me the desires of my heart...but I also know in my soul that He sees so much more of a situation than I ever will.

I also take courage and hope in the last portion of this verse, 'nor his seed begging bread.' For I know that as much as I love and pray and hope for my unborn babies the Lord has an even bigger heart for them. He adores them and has them taken care of already! What a brilliant thought, and such an amazing place to lay your trust!

So, I will wait....impatiently at first, and over time I will learn to settle down. My heart is weary, and it's time to try something else... I think I'll start believing, with a renewed heart, in the God who brought me salvation, freedom, redemption, eternity, love and strength.

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