So fast...

How did it get to be 8 weeks since my son was born.  My son, who is still living and breathing by the way - BONUS!  My son who did not die and my son who I get to look at all the time, and hold and kiss and squeeze.  How?  People tell you they grow up so fast, but there is really no comprehending this statement until you are suddenly 8 weeks out and you think WHOA - what happened!!??

Now I know, 8 weeks doesn't seem like a lot to some folks...but to me it's HUGE.  8 weeks, and we are still here.  8 weeks and Noah is gaining weight, eating, sleeping, pooping...all like "normal".  8 weeks and I haven't damaged him...well...you know what I mean...  :0)

I seriously thought (numerous times) that I should probably give him back.  But give him back to who exactly??  I have had no idea what I'm doing for 8 weeks, and for my type-A personality - that's a tough pill to swallow.  You see, for some reason I thought believed with all my brains that we would just instinctively know how to be awesome parents, while still being awesome spouses.  Well, it came as quite the shock when just like everyone else - we had no clue.  I assumed that because of all our waiting, praying and preparation...it would just come to us.  Well, I'm still waiting.  I'm just sayin'.

It is so tough to balance being momma and wife, and still feel special/pretty, etc.  Yesterday, for example, I got peed on, pooped on (2x's), puked on (3x's), cried at, screamed at, blank stared at, kicked and hit in the nose.  Then, Matt came home and I had to try and scrape together enough energy to be his wife... 

All I'm really saying (I guess) is that life is tough, no matter how you slice it.  But, it's also gloriously amazing.  When I think of the grief-stricken, snotty, bloody journey it took to get us to this point I am bewildered that it's actually my life I'm remembering.  It seems a million years ago, and yet just a moment ago.  I miss our boys so much, and every time I look at Noah's face I see them both.  When he smiles, coos, cries...I wonder if that's what Rowan and/or Levi would have sounded or looked like.  I think sometimes about how amazing it would be if there were 3 here and not just one.

Anyway, just a few random thoughts and snippit of where we are in our journey.