some days

Some days are just so dadgum hard.  Still, after all this time...yes, the days are just hard.  I spend all day looking, loving, tending to my son...all day missing those who didn't make it...and knowing that because they didn't make it here...he is here.  He is a miracle child.  A true gift.  And, yet, I miss them still...so much more now it seems.  I think I somehow thought that it would be easier when Noah was here, or at least that I wouldn't have as much time to dwell on those gone too soon.  I guess maybe it's also because it's nearly Christmas and rather than 3 sweet little cherubs filling my home with squeals of laughter, I have only one.  And, I am so glad to have the one....but I still miss Rowan & Levi.  Does it really ever get easier?

my mom & Noah putting Christmas flowers out for Rowan & Levi