Sunday, August 17, 2014

1826 days

Our sweet, beautiful, miracle baby, Rowan...  Miscarried at just over 13 weeks.  Caught in my hands early in the morning on Aug 17th, 2009.  All my breath sucked out and all my hopes of being a momma stripped away.  Slowly, and it's a struggle even now, the life is coming back to us.  We live in the hope of seeing this precious one again in Glory.  We believe that God has Rowan close to Him and that we will see him again some day. 

Life did not go in the directions we had planned, or hoped for...but life is good & God is good....and we go on & loving.  Praying that we will leave a legacy here that is better than the one we were destined for before Rowan came to us. 

My heart is forever broken at the loss of him (and Levi)...and I've waited a long time for the healing to come, to begin...but I think it happened when I wasn't looking for it.  I think in some ways the cracks & chips have become part of who I am now...and I'm better for it.  I am the mother to Noah that I wouldn't have been, couldn't have been if not for Rowan & Levi. 

It is a strange thing to be thankful for something lost....something torn from your heart...  But, this is where I find myself today.  Thankful to God for the gift of Rowan, Levi & Noah.  Thankful for the loss of one and the gain of another.  Thankful that no matter what happened then or happens now, I know full well that my God is good and that the saying "love is all you need" is not accurate.  It's hope too.  A great hope in a great God.

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