Tuesday, August 17, 2010


August 17th.   I suppose this date used to pass by me without me giving it much weight.  But these days it haunts me.  It has taunted me all month on the calendar, always sitting there, unassuming - right between the 16th and 18th.  I have been keeping myself busy, cleaning, painting, re-painting, more cleaning...but I couldn't escape today.  I couldn't escape the memories that flood my mind when I think about August 17th.

Matt and I had lunch together and then we celebrated our first son's 1st birthday.  Our little Rowan, my angel baby, was already gone when he got here, but we celebrate him none the less.  We put out new sunflowers at the grave site (shared with his little brother Levi).

 Giving someone a sunflower represents your devotion to them.   Devotion is defined as earnest attachment to a cause, person, etc.  I am most assuredly 'earnestly attached' to my little love.  

  Daddy and I were talking and we cannot believe a year has passed since we held you. We love you so much little man.  We miss you, and we think about you all the time.  I love to tell everyone about you.  You are my little angel.  I love you so much baby.  I cannot wait to spend all of eternity with you and Levi.  Your mommy and daddy love you and the hole you made in us will not quit aching.  We love love love you.

momma & daddy  


Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

praying for you today. i cringe every time i think about how quickly November is approaching.
praying for peace in your heart...

butterflymom said...

Thinking of you today and in the days ahead... Hoping that today has filled your heart with some peace as you remembered your little boy.

Anonymous said...

Hi Amanda. I found you on Picket Fence Blogs. I've gone through a few of them there and was looking for, what I call, a REAL blogger. I found one :)

I just wanted to say that I've read through some of your blog and it breaks my heart that you and your husband (and your families) have suffered so much. My heart and prayers go out to all of you.

Thank you for sharing your story here on the internet. In just the last hour, you've reminded me be truly grateful for the Life around me.

Hugs to you.

Lauren said...

love you.

Lynda said...

I'm in tears for you. I know that pain, I have felt that pain. If I can do anything to help ease your's please let me know. I would love to make a video for both of your angels if you would like, just let me know. Big hugs~