Today I am going to write about complaining. I have been thinking a lot the last few days about what I wanted today's thoughtful post to be about ... and the one thing lately that I have had on my mind is grumbling, complaining...and just not being a thankful, grateful, woman.
We all do it. We don't even think about what we are really saying. I have really noticed it a lot lately. I sometimes feel like some people wouldn't have anything to say if they were to give up complaining. I used to be one of those people. And then, my babies died. Now-a-days, every time I tell someone about Rowan & Levi, I lose a little of that old self...the one who complained about every tiny, little, annoyance. My boys have taught me so much about myself.
Lately, when I think about something that is annoying me, or bothering me in some way, and I tell myself that nothing is as bad as burying my sweet boys. Then I can move on. It works every time, and is really teaching me to choose my words (and thoughts) carefully. For instance, if traffic is all backed up and I feel myself getting upset, I just say hey self...it's not worse than saying good-bye to Levi... and then I turn up the radio and sing along instead of fuming over something that I can't change. It's little things like that, and I hope that by stepping back and being real with myself in the little things then I can be real and ready to handle the bigger things.
Here is another example (from today). I was at Shoe Station looking for some shoes for my new job, and I went down one aisle in which a woman in her early 50's was very loudly complaining to her mother (mid-70's) about a shoe not fitting one of her feet. The statement that really got to me was, "I don't care...an 8 should be an 8 no matter the brand." The mother just sat there, silently. What could she say. I mean it was almost humorous to me.... The woman was so loudly complaining and the mother not saying a word, because there was nothing to say....the mother couldn't do anything to remedy the situation. I walked to another aisle, but ended up on the same aisle with them again later, and the daughter was still loudly complaining to her mother, but this time about her mother being slow... I had to leave the store. I just don't ever want to be that woman.
***My Levi died on June 29, 2010 - 12 weeks ago today. Rest well my tiny angel boy. Momma loves you more than ever.