Friday, January 14, 2011

Minus One

So, I noticed last night that after my last post I have one less ‘follower.’ I certainly hope it isn’t because I wrote about my new baby on my blog.

I thought long and hard about creating a new blog just for this baby, and then I thought about not doing it. I decided not to make a new blog, but to keep everything here. I am sorry if you cannot bear to read about this baby, and I hope it doesn’t break your heart. I just feel like I’ve connected with such an amazing group of BLMs (and others), and I wonder if we do a dis-service to the community of mom’s when we hide (or shield) our new joys from each other. I have cried with you all, laughed, hoped, prayed and rejoiced with you all. I think that’s the real community-ness of the BLM online ‘group.’

I was envious at each pregnancy announcement, but also thrilled for those of you who have gone on to have a successful pregnancy and welcome a small one to the world. I was saddened when it wasn’t me, but I wasn’t upset with ‘you’ – I just so badly wanted it to be me. I greedily read about each stage of your pregnancies…hoping and praying for the day when it would again be my turn.

All that to say, please take a break or delete me if it makes you feel better, but don’t be offended at my joy. I cannot hide it, nor should I be expected to. How can any of us get upset with each other, knowing the deep, unbearable, losses we have all suffered. And, again, I truly think it’s part of being in community with one another. We share burdens, but we also share hope.

I pray for you all the time.

And, on a different note:

Yesterday we had another OB appointment. I was 10w6d, and we got a cute picture of this little bundle….looking just like a shrimp!

I am growing increasingly anxious about my procedure on the 31st. I keep myself calm by repeating over and over that it’s all part of a life saving plan. It’s what I can do, as a momma, to protect my little one. I think I can do it. I am scared, but mostly of the epidural….and not so much the procedure. Isn’t that weird?

Here is a picture from a pretty cool site I found, you can see the site here.
It puts things into perspective for me.  :0)


Michelle said...


Alex said...

Wonderfully said lovely lady. I hope it's just by total coincidence that you lost a follower *hugs* You have every right in the world to be happy and to share your joy.

Kelly said...

SO glad that your scan went well. I love the website, too. I ended up playing around on it and forgot to comment when I was here a bit ago.

I lost a follower, too.

The Anglin Family said...

:) Congratulations.

Don't hide your joy, be joyful. It is harder for some than others. But since we most all understand, I find myself smiling when I find out another BLM is having a new baby. Saying a prayer for you and your sweet lil bean. :-)

Marie W said...

Awww. Cute little bean! Sorry you lost a follower. I am all too aware hat some people cannot handle it. {hugs}

MrsH said...

I had the procedure done before my TAC, and it is not a big deal. The spinal anesthetic is unpleasant in the way that your legs falling asleep is, but not otherwise scary. Don't be too worried.

Loumary said...

I just wanted to say as somebody who has had a pprom loss at 31 weeks I love reading about your current pregnancy, it gives me hope for the future.

Melissa said...

Of course you should express your joy here, it is just as helpful to see that as your sorrow. I wouldn't take the follower thing personally, there are many people at different stages of grief that just can't take the pregnancy talk, but they have to do what's right for them just as you do. I love the pic!

Michele said...


Brooke said...

Love this!! I am 7.5wks preggo with my first rainbow baby...and I love reading your writing!! I haven't posted on my blog yet, so if you visit you will just see adoption....

But I also lost a follower after posting something random and seemingly non-bothersome. I thought it was kind of bizarre....but interesting. I guess you can't please everyone!!

I will continue to follow your journey!!!