21 weeks - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

How many weeks:  21 weeks - this is flying by for me  :0)

How am I feeling: mostly anxious. I've never been 'this' pregnant, and it is humbling and overwhelming.  Often people ask me if I'm getting excited.  And, honestly, no I'm not.  I mean, I am thrilled to be pregnant, and to be 'this' pregnant puts me over the moon.  But, I constantly feel like I have to keep my excitement boxed up - hoping that I won't be utterly devastated again.  Hoping and praying that although everything could go wrong - nothing will...  It's really a strange set of emotions.

Doctor’s Appointment:  I saw the MFM very early this morning.  Baby's heart rate was 143, and he weighed 14 oz.  My CL was 3.67!!

Weight Gain:  5lbs

Maternity Clothes:  what else is there??

Baby Preparation: Had a garage sale last Saturday to clear out the nursery.  Matt moved all the furniture into place and I just have to will myself to get in there and unpack boxes from Rowan &; Levi. 

Gender: precious baby boy (confirmed on 4 separate u/s - so anything different would totally catch us off guard LOL)

Sleep:  Sleep has never been a problem with any of my pregnancies.  I think it's because of the Prometrium.  :0)

Best moment this week:  seeing this little love again today!

Movement: He moves a lot when I'm lying down for bed.  I love those moments & can honestly say I'll miss them when he's here.  It's a safe feeling.

Food cravings: Still salty foods, peanut butter especially. 

What I miss: not being so sensitive to smells

What I am looking forward to: Today.  It's been 3 weeks since we have seen him on u/s.  I'm also looking forward to having a 3D u/s done in the weeks to come.  We want to wait until he has some fat on him!!

Milestones:  April 15th...24 weeks...Viability day!!

What baby should be looking like:

What baby is looking like:

Hip Hip Hooray for Cervical Measurements!!

Today I am 13 weeks pregnant.   I am still in such awe and wonder...I hope that never goes away.  In past pregnancies I have counted the hours that lead up to the 13 week mark...the last week of the first trimester.   This is typically the time in a pregnancy when women will start to be less nervous and breathe easier.  But, for me - it is the beginning of the 2nd trimester - the portion of pregnancy in which both of my children left us for Heaven.  It is, for me, the beginning of weeks of deep concern.

On Monday, Jan 31st, I'm having my cervical cerclage placed.  I'm very excited, as I think it is going to be one of the key elements in making sure we bring this baby home to stay with us.  Please be in prayer for us, specifically around 1:00 p.m. (CST).  I'll have two weeks of mandatory bed rest and then (fingers crossed), I'll be allowed to move up to modified bed rest - meaning I can get up, go to work for 4-5 hours and then come home and lay in bed (which I have been doing for the last 7 weeks)!!

So, at yesterday's appointment I was a little anxious to get my cervical measurement.  However, when the doctor told me - I nearly jumped off the table!!  3.4 cm my friends!!!  3.4cm!!  The longest CL I've ever had!  Oh, the Lord is so good!!!  Hallelujah.  We pray for continued 'ease' and peace, as well as long CL and calm uterus!!  Prais God!!

Okay, so here is a 'typical' picture of our baby (from this site):

And here is our sweet love.  He/she was so squirmy at the u/s it was difficult to get a clear picture (obviously)!  But, we are so in love!!

Minus One

So, I noticed last night that after my last post I have one less ‘follower.’ I certainly hope it isn’t because I wrote about my new baby on my blog.


I thought long and hard about creating a new blog just for this baby, and then I thought about not doing it. I decided not to make a new blog, but to keep everything here. I am sorry if you cannot bear to read about this baby, and I hope it doesn’t break your heart. I just feel like I’ve connected with such an amazing group of BLMs (and others), and I wonder if we do a dis-service to the community of mom’s when we hide (or shield) our new joys from each other. I have cried with you all, laughed, hoped, prayed and rejoiced with you all. I think that’s the real community-ness of the BLM online ‘group.’

I was envious at each pregnancy announcement, but also thrilled for those of you who have gone on to have a successful pregnancy and welcome a small one to the world. I was saddened when it wasn’t me, but I wasn’t upset with ‘you’ – I just so badly wanted it to be me. I greedily read about each stage of your pregnancies…hoping and praying for the day when it would again be my turn.

All that to say, please take a break or delete me if it makes you feel better, but don’t be offended at my joy. I cannot hide it, nor should I be expected to. How can any of us get upset with each other, knowing the deep, unbearable, losses we have all suffered. And, again, I truly think it’s part of being in community with one another. We share burdens, but we also share hope.

I pray for you all the time.


And, on a different note:

Yesterday we had another OB appointment. I was 10w6d, and we got a cute picture of this little bundle….looking just like a shrimp!

I am growing increasingly anxious about my procedure on the 31st. I keep myself calm by repeating over and over that it’s all part of a life saving plan. It’s what I can do, as a momma, to protect my little one. I think I can do it. I am scared, but mostly of the epidural….and not so much the procedure. Isn’t that weird?

Here is a picture from a pretty cool site I found, you can see the site here.
It puts things into perspective for me.  :0)



pure. sweet. love.

We saw our peanut today. What a big baby we have!! Already one inch in length!! We go for another appointment on August 20th and by then I'll be 13 weeks. Then, the appointment after that we should be able to find out the sex! Woohoo!!! We are so blessed, and so super-excited!!