Tuesday, May 3, 2011

An apology (of sorts)

I have been thinking a lot about Noah lately.  I know right, how could I not...  I guess, it's just weird to me.  To be this pregnant, to be so close to bringing him home...healthy, for keeps...  Weird, I can't find another word.  As I sit around waiting for doctor appointments, scans, or signing in for ultrasounds, I glance around the room. I wonder if women are looking at me with sadness in their eyes, with heart break on their faces...

I want to turn from the sign in desk, and yell, me too.  I know.  And, I'm sorry.  I'm sorry if seeing my belly makes your throat close up...I know.  I'm sorry if my smile brings a rush of tears to your eyes...I know.  I'm sorry if people asking me how I feel, or making baby comments, or touching my tummy makes a lump in your throat almost impossible to swallow...I know.

I know, and I'm so sorry for you.  Truly, I don't say it and then look down at my growing bump and smile.  I know the anguish, and I know the sheer panic that can over take you when you see a pregnant lady enter the room....or worse, one with an infant in her arms.  I know.  And, my heart breaks with you.  I am sorry.  And I pray that the Lord is merciful to you, as He was to me.  I pray that you can see the darkness lift off of your life, and know that there is still hope.  Mostly, just know that you are not alone.


Anonymous said...

and I am sorry that you know that feeling. I would take that pain from you if I could but you even though you may not know it, have a strenght that I am in awe of, I love you and I am so proud of you. Momma

Molly King said...

I know what you mean! I'm pregnant with my rainbow baby and I am fearful that seeing my belly and smile is bringing sadness to some mother who went through something like I went through. The only thing I can think of to do is to pray for all the mommies that are hurting with empty arms.