I have been thinking a lot about Noah lately. I know right, how could I not... I guess, it's just weird to me. To be this pregnant, to be so close to bringing him home...healthy, for keeps... Weird, I can't find another word. As I sit around waiting for doctor appointments, scans, or signing in for ultrasounds, I glance around the room. I wonder if women are looking at me with sadness in their eyes, with heart break on their faces...
I want to turn from the sign in desk, and yell, me too. I know. And, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if seeing my belly makes your throat close up...I know. I'm sorry if my smile brings a rush of tears to your eyes...I know. I'm sorry if people asking me how I feel, or making baby comments, or touching my tummy makes a lump in your throat almost impossible to swallow...I know.
I know, and I'm so sorry for you. Truly, I don't say it and then look down at my growing bump and smile. I know the anguish, and I know the sheer panic that can over take you when you see a pregnant lady enter the room....or worse, one with an infant in her arms. I know. And, my heart breaks with you. I am sorry. And I pray that the Lord is merciful to you, as He was to me. I pray that you can see the darkness lift off of your life, and know that there is still hope. Mostly, just know that you are not alone.
2 comments:
and I am sorry that you know that feeling. I would take that pain from you if I could but you even though you may not know it, have a strenght that I am in awe of, I love you and I am so proud of you. Momma
I know what you mean! I'm pregnant with my rainbow baby and I am fearful that seeing my belly and smile is bringing sadness to some mother who went through something like I went through. The only thing I can think of to do is to pray for all the mommies that are hurting with empty arms.
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