However, I just rocked my 18 day old son to sleep. My crying, sneezing, poopy son. My living son. After all this time (a LONG 18 days) I still look at him and weep...I am overwhelmed at the goodness of God. I still cannot believe this boy is here, and he's ours...and we get to keep him. Overwhelmed. Over-joyed. Sleep deprived. Blessed. Humbled.
Daily I think of all that was lost and the journey to get to this place. When I feel like I can't go on because I'm tired, or because Noah won't stop crying...I have to step outside myself and remind myself of what it took to be here. What it took to be his momma, and how amazing the whole ride has been.
I won't lie... Bringing home this boy has been WAY more intense than I imagined. WAY more! I've cried so much in the last 18 days because I have no idea what I'm doing, I sometimes feel I'm doing nothing right, and I am often not sleeping or eating very well. Being a parent is tough stuff. It is certainly not for the faint of heart. And, breastfeeding...phew! That's a whole blog post in itself...and I certainly don't have the strength for it now. I will say that is brings a feeling of closeness and 'momma-ness' that I don't imagine many things do...
And, Matt. Oh, what a sweet, proud daddy he is. He is so good to me and to Noah. He is truly my rock and has been the one to drag me kicking and screaming from my lowest low back to the edge of sanity. He is truly the greatest husband and friend. He is also a pretty good nurse and house keeper!
Having Noah home for 18 days has been intense, and super-hard. But as I look at his tiny little face I know it's worth every moment. It's worth every sleepless night, worth every missed outing, worth it all. Everything. I would trade nothing. He has stolen my heart, and has me wrapped around his tiny fingers...and I'm okay with that... I love him so.
our first family photo (we are working on this skill)
my bright eyed boy
so much love here
our little monchichi
loves of my life :0)
Aaaaaand we are still working on it!
momma & the boy so long awaited