Levi's memorial service

Here are some pictures from the last time I held Levi's tiny body.
Oh I miss you today little love. Tonight, near midnight, know that mommy will be remembering how you came to us just two weeks ago.

Oh, it hurts not to be with you.

holding on to let go

Tomorrow I will bury my son.

My son Levi was born on Monday, June 28, 2010. His little heart beat strong for a long time after he came to us. I watched him draw in 3 or 4 small gasps of air, and I felt his tiny hand reach out for mine. It hurt to give birth. Though he was small, the pressure and pain was immense. I asked for no medications as I longed to have a physical feeling of my time with Levi. I started having mild contractions around noon on Monday, and just before midnight (11:46 to be exact) we met our son.

He is beautiful. Everything about him is just perfect. He is a tiny replica of his daddy. Absolutely the most adorable baby I've ever seen.

Tomorrow I will bury my son. His tiny body will lie next to his big brother Rowan, at the cemetery not too far from our home. It is no small thing to have buried my two boys in less than a year's time. Only 10 short months separate their beginning and ending.

I lay down, but rest eludes me. I close my eyes, but still they seem to produce tears. My heart is spent from sadness, and my body aches from the wailing. I am tired, too tired to carry this load. Too tired to cry out to Jesus, too tired to let my husband uphold me, just too tired.

Joel 2:25-26
And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten...And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed.

Psalm 119:116-117
Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed. Uphold me, and I will be delivered.

The death of a baby is like a stone cast into the stillness of a quiet pool; the concentric ripples of despair sweep out in all directions, affecting many, many people.
--De Frain, 1991

A fund for my son

For those wishing to contribute to the medical and funeral costs for sweet Levi Matthew McCleskey, please click here: Levi's Life Mattered.

We'll add your names to a separate email list so that you can follow along with exactly how your money will help pay for Amanda's hospital expenses, the birth and subsequent death of Levi, as well as his funeral and head stone. And, in the event that God blesses us with more than we can handle (as he tends to do) - you on the list will vote on which charity, memorial, etc...will claim the additional funds.

Be blessed, it is no small thing to help a friend in need.

in celebration of my son

pictures from the last time I held my baby

Here are some pictures from Rowan's funeral. We are blessed beyond words with family, friends and fellow believers. Praise God for all of those who have stood beside us as we journey through this trying time.


Jeff did a wonderful job of sharing The Word,
and honoring our tiny angel.


pictures of Rowan, and the elephant from Josh (you're the best). Rowan was buried on top of Matt's great grandmother's casket. It was so incredible of the funeral home to allow us to use the same plot. All we paid for was the headstone for Rowan. It should be here in about 2 weeks, the stone in this picture is for Matt's great-grandmother (who was one of the 1st to be buried at Roselawn in 1972).





our Rowan was loved by so many...