Capture Your Grief. Day 27. Express.

Day 27: EXPRESS. This is the day in month where you can say whatever it is on your heart that you would like. Find your voice. What is it that you want to express Is there anything that you want the world to know about your grief or children?

Capture Your Grief. Day 27.  Express. 
I copied this segment from another blogger almost 2 years ago...it's been sitting "saved" on my blog in an empty, title-less, blog just waiting....  It fits so perfectly with today's photo prompt.  I wish I could give credit to the writer, but I cannot find her page anymore...  Alas, here are her words, written as if from my own heart...


"But a tiny fraction of my heart is also paralyzed with fear that Monday is right around the corner and I am soon to realize everyone else has moved on from this…leaving me to continue in this desert. Its not that I fear being alone in it – its that I fear, partly, the someday I WILL move on too and somehow that will symbolize it doesn’t hurt so bad, it wasn’t as bad as I remember, etc. One day I will be a visitor to these emotions and this experience and not the resident I am currently." 

 Rowan, 08-17-09, miscarried 13w2d

 Levi Matthew, 06/28/10-06/29/10
born at 19 week gestation, passed away after 1hr 19min

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What is "Capture Your Grief"?  Read about it here.

Or, just join in the photo project by following these prompts:

Remember

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan designated October as Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month – an action that launched the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Movement. Although over a quarter century has passed, this issue remains prevalent as, each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the United States end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of the newborn child.
Did you know that:

• One in four pregnancies ends in the loss of a baby
• The loss of a child is recognized as the most intense cause of grief
• Parents never "get over" the loss of a child – no matter the age
• Parents experiencing grief without supportive care can have debilitating consequences such as PTSD, depression and anxiety that could further result in job loss, divorce, difficulties in daily living, or impediments with parenting of living children 

Wave of Light Celebration:October 15, 2014 is a universal day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death. This day is observed with remembrance ceremonies and candle-lighting vigils, concluding with the International Wave of Light worldwide lighting of candles at 7 p.m. 

International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day (October 15th)

Yesterday was a tough one.  I cried many times.  I squeezed Noah so hard he said, "ow".  It was a tough one.  But it was also a sweet one.

October 15th is International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day.  It's the day of the year that we ask everyone to light a candle at 7 p.m. (in their time zone).  Do you know what that does?  It means that for 24 hours there is a light burning all around the world.  :)

Our little family took part in an AMAZING ceremony last night in Navarre, put on by a local group of moms who's babies left too soon.  You can check out their Facebook page here, Wave of Light. "Like" their page so that you can be sure to join us next year if you are local.

At 7 p.m. we joined dozens of other families in lighting & releasing Chinese Paper Lanterns into the beautiful night sky.  It was overwhelming. The pain & grief hit me as I stepped out to light lantern. I burst into tears.  I'd held it together all day, and the days leading up to the event.  I didn't want to let them go...felt like I was saying goodbye again.  I would let go...and then reach out to grab my lantern back...until finally letting them go...both of them...watching them until I couldn't see them anymore...  Beautiful.  

As a side note, I find it no "happenstance" or "chance" that I have heard this amazing song on the radio nearly every day this week... LOVE this song & the hope that it proclaims!!


"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" <--click click--="" here="">

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
[x6]

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

10-15-11

"Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. She smiles, but her heart sobs. She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she IS NOT, all at once. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.."   ~Anonymous

Missing my sweet angels today.  Thinking of them always and wishing they were here to squeeze and cuddle.  Knowing I'm blessed to be their momma.  Many emotions flowing today.  

Rest well my boys.  Momma will be there soon!!

 Rowan, 08/17/2009

 Levi Matthew, 06/28/10 - 06/29/10

Levi's hands & feet.  This gets me right in the heart, every time.  My little man.

 

 

We Remember

With heavy hearts we remember our sons on this day.  This National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day.  These boys that we love so very much.  Rowan McCleskey, miscarried 08-17-2009 and his little brother, Levi Matthew McCleskey, born 06-28-2010 and died 1hr and 19min later, 06-29-2010.

To my dear ones,

  I love you both so much.  I miss you more today than ever.  I just love, love, love you sweet ones.  You two have my heart.  You will never be forgotten, nor will there be a day when we don't think of you both.  I tell everyone about you...well, everyone who will listen.  I am so proud to be your momma.  My two perfect angels...  My heart could burst from the ache of missing you both.  Oh to see you and hold you again.  You two have made us so very proud and we miss you greatly.

with all of our love,

momma & daddy
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

 

 We cried out to you O' Lord in our desperation, you inclined and heard our plea.  Praise be to God for our children.  We are sad they could not stay longer, but we have been so blessed to be their momma & daddy.  Thank you Father.  You are good and your MERCY endures forever.  ~amen

 

your kindness leads me to repentance.
your goodness draws me to my knees.
your mercy calls me to be like you.
your favor is my delight.

you are good, you are good, you are good
and your mercy is forever
you are good, you are good, you are good
and your mercy is forever

~You Are Good, Kari Jobe