Leaning not on my own understanding...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

 

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Today I was searching for some assistance from the Lord in dealing with some family issues that trouble me greatly.  My family has not been devoid of drama, ever...of this I'm certain.  But, I suck it up and move on because I know that everyone's family has drama, heartache, pain, etc.  However, yesterday I found myself stuck in a deep sadness and bereaved state regarding some things going on with certain family members.  My heart is broken, shattered, and I simply cannot put it back together on my own.  So, as I sat praying the words from the well known Serenity Prayer kept entering my mind. 

So, I decided to look it up to be sure I was recalling it properly.  Much to my surprise there is an entire verse, or stanza (whatever) that I had never heard.  While the entire poem has captured my mind for the time being, this line particularly stuck with me, "Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will..."  I find that I spend much time trying to force the world, or those I love, into the way that I would have it - rather than taking things as they are, and loving them anyway.  Not so much that I am being judgmental, I don't think, but that I want better and best for those people/things, and I think I know the way to make them that way....when what I am coming to realize is that God has had this crazy mess all planned out and can take care of it much easier than I can, and with far less stress to me....if I will just completely turn it over to Him.  Ah, you see....I think this is the truly hard part for me.  The loss of control is something I struggle with on a daily basis.  

I don't know if I was always this way, but I certainly know that since Rowan & Levi died, I have come face to face with the fact that I have control over so very little, and I have been devastated by this loss of control time and time again.  While at the same time, I am completely exhausted with trying to control things in my life.  Lord help me.  And, again, I pray, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."