Leaning not on my own understanding...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

 

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Today I was searching for some assistance from the Lord in dealing with some family issues that trouble me greatly.  My family has not been devoid of drama, ever...of this I'm certain.  But, I suck it up and move on because I know that everyone's family has drama, heartache, pain, etc.  However, yesterday I found myself stuck in a deep sadness and bereaved state regarding some things going on with certain family members.  My heart is broken, shattered, and I simply cannot put it back together on my own.  So, as I sat praying the words from the well known Serenity Prayer kept entering my mind. 

So, I decided to look it up to be sure I was recalling it properly.  Much to my surprise there is an entire verse, or stanza (whatever) that I had never heard.  While the entire poem has captured my mind for the time being, this line particularly stuck with me, "Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will..."  I find that I spend much time trying to force the world, or those I love, into the way that I would have it - rather than taking things as they are, and loving them anyway.  Not so much that I am being judgmental, I don't think, but that I want better and best for those people/things, and I think I know the way to make them that way....when what I am coming to realize is that God has had this crazy mess all planned out and can take care of it much easier than I can, and with far less stress to me....if I will just completely turn it over to Him.  Ah, you see....I think this is the truly hard part for me.  The loss of control is something I struggle with on a daily basis.  

I don't know if I was always this way, but I certainly know that since Rowan & Levi died, I have come face to face with the fact that I have control over so very little, and I have been devastated by this loss of control time and time again.  While at the same time, I am completely exhausted with trying to control things in my life.  Lord help me.  And, again, I pray, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."   

URGENT request for prayer for a friend

Hi Everyone,

  I received this message from my friend Jen a few moments ago.  I do not know the people mentioned in the message, but I know the fear and desperate-ness that comes with hearing of something being wrong with your baby.  Will you please join with me in praying for Lisa and her family, and most of all their precious unborn child. 

  Here is the message I got from Jen:


Amanda,


I am writing you because I know you will pray and motivate others to pray. My sister-in-law's sister is named Lisa. She is 14 weeks and was measuring large... they thought she might have twins so got an ultrasound today. Here's the note from my dear sis-in-law:
"Well, as some of you know, Lisa is pregnant...14 weeks, and was measuring big, so she had an ultrasound today. There is only one baby and there is a problem with the baby. It has gastroschisis, a condition where the intestines are outside of the body. I have not had a chance to read up on it all...I have just talked to her for awhile. It looks like it is operable right after birth and it looks like the chances of  the baby surviving the procedure are good, it is all just so hard for Lisa to take in right now. Please pray for my sister and for her little one. (we still don't know for sure what it is...but she will be having another ultrasound in a few weeks) They need to make sure the umbilical cord and the intestines are not intertwined. I will share more info as I get some. Thanks for all of your prayers for my sister."

Thank you for praying fervently my friend.


Okay, so here is some info I found on gastroschisis


Thanks everyone.  much love.  ~amanda


I read this the other night, and claimed it for my own...now Lord we proclaim this passage over Lisa's unborn son/daughter.  Father YOU ALONE are God and YOU ALONE have plans and purposes laid out.  

Isaiah 54:11-17 (The Message)
"Afflicted city, storm-battered, unpitied:
   I'm about to rebuild you with stones of turquoise,
Lay your foundations with sapphires,
   construct your towers with rubies,
Your gates with jewels,
   and all your walls with precious stones.
All your children will have God for their teacher—
   what a mentor for your children!
You'll be built solid, grounded in righteousness,
   far from any trouble—nothing to fear!
   far from terror—it won't even come close!
If anyone attacks you,
   don't for a moment suppose that I sent them,
And if any should attack,
   nothing will come of it.
I create the blacksmith
   who fires up his forge
   and makes a weapon designed to kill.
I also create the destroyer—
   but no weapon that can hurt you has ever been forged.
Any accuser who takes you to court
   will be dismissed as a liar.
This is what God's servants can expect.
   I'll see to it that everything works out for the best."
         God's Decree.

18 weeks 1 day

Today I'm 18w1d. I should be filled with elation at being on the cusp of the 1/2 way marker. Today I'm filled with worry and wonder. Will God give us the weeks we think we need to get Levi to his make it or break it point? If we get there, then will it be enough, or will we beg for more time and more time...and when will it be enough? He is God, it is His ultimate Glory.

This hurts my head, no hurts my heart.... It doesn't make sense. I cannot chose to end my child. He is still in there, fighting, heart beating, learning new skills, growing and hearing me singing to him, loving on him, telling him of Jesus.

Still holding this piece of my heart back, where deep inside it I hope against hope that I'll teach him to ride a bike, let him put army band-aids on his knees even if they aren't scraped up, and loose my breath each time his daddy let's him climb too high on something. I'm his mother, and I simply can't give up on those hopes/dreams...because when they die, a part of Levi dies, and a part of me dies.

God help me understand your ways in this mess of our lives, because in a few weeks I may not be able to see so clearly.

One More Day

Today I am 17 weeks 4 days pregnant. We just got home from Dr. Prafke's office. Levi's heart is still pumping away, and I can still feel him swishing around. Praise God -- he appears to be just as stubborn as me!!

Please continue to pray for us, as the doctors keep repeating that my water break when Levi is so little leaves him NO chance to make it ... However, that is contrary to what I KNOW my JESUS can do, and what I have read online. I have researched PPROM until I feel like my head will explode, but there are cases out there of success and hope. To add to the hope is the fact that my temp is stable, and I have NO cramping or bleeding!! I truly believe it is the power of all our prayers to the Father. My health is vital to the sustained life of Levi.

So, again, we have the tiny hope that we are holding fast too. Our God is big, and mighty, and it would appear that our little Levi is as well. Please continue to pray for us, as we are scared and stressed. Being in bed nearly 24-hrs a day is no fun AT ALL!

Oh, and please don't be offended if we do not take your calls. We are not always in a position or mind to talk - however, we do appreciate your kind words, thoughts, and prayers.

Matt, Amanda & Levi


Prayer concerns:

1. Levi's heart beat
2. fluid levels to be replinished & sustained
3. NO infections for me or Levi
4. Mental/Emotional stability for me and Matt
5. Grace, mercy and peace
6. Room in the womb for Levi's limbs to continue to grow properly
7. Enough fluid each day so that Levi's lungs continue to develop
8. NO CRAMPING - NO BLEEDING

Levi Matthew McCleskey

I wanted to send an update so that you all have the FULL story, and can pray
accordingly.

I have not lost the baby, his name is Levi Matthew McCleskey. I very much believe in calling out the name of the one you are praying for...

My water broke Tuesday, 06-15-10, at noon. However, Baby Levi is still with us. I feel him move quite a bit. The doctor's told us to expect the worst, however, I simply cannot believe that my God is not bigger than all of this. That being said, it is still a very long road that we must journey.

Please continue to pray for Matt and me, and of course baby Levi. We do not know what will come our way in the next few days/weeks, etc. All we have is the tiny hope, and the knowledge that today Levi is moving and living safely in my womb.

We will keep you all posted, as we feel so blessed to call you all friends and family.

Oh, and I have an appt with my doctor on Friday morning at 8 a.m. I am on antibiotics to decrease my risk of infection. If I can stay healthy then Levi's chances drastically increase. Please pray for us all, and know that God hears each of you.

We love you.
Matt, Amanda & Baby Levi

a prayer

2 Corinthians 4:16-18:
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen in eternal."