Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Two Years - Rowan

I honestly cannot believe it has been two years since the death of my sweet angel Rowan.  Two years...that time seems so large.  He was the most perfect, tiny, example of God's mighty power and grace.  What a perfect picture of the magnitude of our God.

I spent a long time in an angry, depressed, place after our Rowan died.  I felt betrayed and abandoned by God.  The same God that I'd cried out to for years to please let us become pregnant, and we had...  And, I felt horribly alone because something so amazing, so precious, had been taken away from deep within me.  I have learned so much from Rowan, from his brief stay here...from being his momma.  I am so glad to know that I am a different woman today, because of one so very small.
I am glad that Rowan only knew of the safety and love of his momma's womb.  He never had to hurt, or cry, or want.  He simply had to grow and be loved - and he was.  I often wondered if I could ever love another as much as I loved Rowan.  And then God gave us Levi, and I knew that my heart had room for two.  And, after Levi died I knew I'd never love again....but now, we have Noah, and he is such a perfect combination of Rowan &Levi, and I can't imagine life without them all.  

I miss Rowan, and will forever, but I can feel him with me still.  And, I know we will have a huge family reunion when we all get to Heaven.  I long to see my babies...  It's amazing how much love you can have for someone you don't yet fully know...


crystal theresa said...

((hugs)) both your of your heavenly boys are so precious and beautiful. i'm sure it will be an amazing reunion. ♥

Hannah Rose said...

"I am so glad to know that I am a different woman today, because of one so very small." -LOVE this. I feel the same way about my precious babies. A Heavenly reunion sounds wonderful. It will be amazing. WOW, that picture of his little hand speaks a thousand words. It's comforting to know our babies will never know pain or sorrow, but only the beauty of Heaven.