Capture Your Grief. Day 13. Season.

I associate our losses with summer.  In June of 2010 our precious Levi went home to Heaven.  In July of 2011, the miraculous birth of Noah took place.  And, in August of 2009, our beloved Rowan was whisked away to Glory.

All of summer is eaten up with the grief and the miracle and the immense longing for children.

It's still a favorite time of year.  I get to remember and dote on all three babies (just as I would if they were all here).

 

This is a picture that Matt took in 2010 after Levi passed away.  We  went on a cruise to the Bahamas.  I couldn't bear to be in our home, or even our city.  We needed to be away, to be quiet.  The stillness of the ocean, the beauty of God's creation all around us.  Summer is the perfect time to remember our boys.  #mamalovesyou 

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What is "Capture Your Grief"?  Read about it here.

Or, just join in the photo project by following these prompts:

 

happy 30th birthday to my sweet hubs!!

Today my amazing husband turns 30.  Happy birthday love of my life, father of our children, and man of my hopes & dreams.  I love you so much and I cannot wait to be celebrating our 70th birthdays together.  You make my heart beat fast and your lovin' makes me light-headed.  I am more in love with you each passing day.  What a blessed woman am I to have you for my man.  The Lord is truly in our midst, and has amazing plans for us.  It is my pleasure to be your best friend, and wife.  I adore you, and I am so glad you chose me. 

 

05-26-2007 united forever

 

we are so perfectly matched.  :0)

 

December 2006, possibly 12-12-06, our first picture together, only days after meeting!

 

engagement photo shoot, April 2007

Happy birthday my forever love. 

xoxxo - wifey

Blessed

Some of you know, but I cannot help myself.... I am still in awe.

Last week, 05-13-09, my sweet Mattie was in a car accident.


It should have been a lot worse, he should have been hurt....
But, miracle of miracles ... He is doing amazing!

He was broad-sided on 12th and Brainerd. The man who hit him ran a stop-sign (as in never slowed down). Matt was traveling south on 12th and after the accident is car was facing east on Brainerd. They firemen had to pry the door open to get Matt out of the car. He was taken by ambulance to the hospital and 2 hours later we walked out to our other car and drove home. They didn't even give him pain meds. He is in pain, lots of neck/upper back pain...but he's alive.

His window was down, and his arm was hanging out the window at the time.... He has a few small scratches, mostly healed now, and a jammed finger on his RIGHT hand -- the arm out the window...FINE...AMAZING!!! God is sooooo good!!!

When we went to the salvage yard the following day we were amazed at the condition of the car. I wish we had pics of the inside...you can see where it was wrapped around him. The driver's seat looked like it was from a brand new car...there wasn't even glass in the seat...and there was glass EVERYWHERE!! God is so good. We have no doubt that the hand of Jesus was cupped around Matt at the time of the accident.

Praise Jesus!! Just wanted to share our miracle with you all. Be encouraged...He is ever present!!

loving him

I love, love, love him.

Praise God for my sweet husband, Matt!

“I love thee to the level of everyday's most quiet need,by sun and candle light...I love thee with the breath,smiles,tears,of all my life.” (E.B.B.)

“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.” (R.C.)

My husband challenges me -- especially when I don't feel like being challenged -- and he helps me become a better 'me' by not forcing me to change...but loving me just as I am... Through his love for me he makes me stronger, wiser, healthier.

Our God is so wise and loving...He brought this man to me when I was most ready, and when He knew we could both handle each other... I am overcome, daily, with the knowledge that He held out so long because He knew better ...

I love, love, love Him!

my husband, making babies and salvation

Only a small portion of the things I take for granted. How did I become so smug, so self-assured that I was deserving of an amazing husband, sweet babies or a Holy Savior?

God has been so good to me…only 'good' isn't descriptive enough – there isn't anything I can say about the way He loves me. It is indescribable…yet I am constantly trying to put limits on it…and trap Him in a box. I want Him to be someone I can understand, or wrap my mind around….and yet He is always going to be so much more.

I so easily forget the good things He has done for me … just as soon as He isn't giving me something else… I wouldn't have described myself as a selfish person, yet I am. When I pray or cry out to my Father I have a long list of 'what I need.' I rarely stop to just be with Him. That is all He has ever asked of me…to just be with Him. He never demands for me to do anything, or be anything….except to just 'be.' Seems easy enough, 'eh?

I have been blessed by God with the most loving, gentle, gracious husband. I thank God daily for this gift…this man who loves me in spite of myself. I love you always Mattie. I'm sorry for ever taking one second with you for granted, and I choose today to begin recognizing each moment as a treasure to be kept safe…. You are amazing, and brilliant, and a million other wonderful things!!
I love you.

Babies… Long have I waited and long have I wanted… Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart – I have been given this promise by the Lord. Yet I demand that He give me what I desire exactly when I desire it…and yet again and again He withholds… because He knows the appropriate time and place for such things. And, He always knows how to amaze.

I was recently told by a doctor that I have PCOS…and in the same sentence 'although it doesn't mean you can't have children it does mean it will be extremely difficult.' Then she smiled and I cried and she wrote a prescription and just like that I was on my way out into the world – back to work, back to life...just like that…

I was a virgin for 26 years…and then I got married…and I guess I thought I was 'owed' the gift of making babies because I'd been so good, so decent. I've only every kissed 2 fellas in my life, and one of them is my husband…. Again, I thought God, how can this be right – I've been so good… I've really strived to be pure…to keep myself for one special man – your man – my husband, the father of all of my unborn sweet angels… But this isn't the way it works…and though I know that my God is loving and kind, along with many things, trying to get your heart to be okay with the things your head knows are certain – can sometimes be overwhelming….

There is more to say, but I am exhausted. I needed to write this all out. I think I feel a little better.

Mostly, I need your prayers….if you are reading then please pray now…. Pray for peace…