i do not like this

It's been 5 months. 5. That is a long time. And in a few weeks it will have been 6 months. I haven't written in some time. It's been tough recently because all the girls who got pregnant around the same time as me are now having their babies, and I am so happy for them...but extremely saddened at the same time.

My due date was in February, and I could have been having the baby any day now. My tummy would have been so big and round.

So, Mattie and I are going away for a while. We are leaving in about an hour and we will be gone for an entire week. I cannot wait to be away and just be with him. We need this down time to relax and get back into a peaceful place with each other.

Blessings.

I miss being pregnant. I just read someone's post on another site, and she stated "I'm so tired of being pregnant." And, I thought to myself, how can this be? How can there be someone who could be tired of being pregnant. I realize she didn't mean tired of carrying life in her womb, but really just tired of being puffy and probably having a sore back... But even still, it made me sad momentarily.

This Thursday will be 4 months since Rowan left us. We are dealing with the sadness of our baby's passing in such different ways... I often wonder if there is any of the 'oldness' of us left over. Not in a bad way. Like, I don't mean our marriage is 'on the rocks' or anything. I just look at Mattie and I don't see the same person, and I know I'm not the same person. I cannot help but wonder, and hope, that this time next year we have a small one cooing and laughing with us around our Christmas tree. So much can happen in such a short time.

We celebrate with friends this week the announcement of a positive!! We are jealous, and we covet that feeling of newness. But, we have hope that our time will come soon. Long have these friends waited, and we are truly happy for them. :0)





Merry Christmas.